Usain Bolt tests positive for a Morris Oxford | NewsBiscuit

31 Май 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

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Usain Bolt positive for a Morris Oxford

The Olympics were hit by another last night as the world’s man, Usain Bolt, was have significant amounts of in his blood after having an entire Morris Oxford, VI.

Drug testing agency made the discovery after tipped off by Guildford pensioner Winter, 68, who noticed a number of between Bolt’s recent record and the performance of his 46-year-old VI, known locally as ‘Betsy’.

‘I keep a close eye on my instruments – to the fuel economy, like,’ Winter. ‘And I noticed when I leave my house, it around 9.58 seconds to go the 100 to the roundabout on the High Street – the same time as Bolt’s record. I then tried the 200 metre circuit and, slowing up on the roundabout, I clocked in at seconds, again the same as record.’

Despite the compelling evidence, initially refused to take concerns seriously. ‘So I watched video clips of Bolt’s and noticed on cold days, he was a little slow to get into just like the old girl is I fire her up first thing on a morning.’

Toyota Crown sedan VI

But the clincher came Winter checked ‘Betsy’ in for her six monthly service at Kevin’s ‘I went into the workshop and what did I see but a heavily sedated Bolt up on the hoist. Kev had already the oil, replaced the brake in Bolt’s feet, and installed new plugs in his thighs. He then out his ashtray, and buffed up his seat. Kev fixed Bolt’s frankly oversized exhaust pipe but he he had strict instructions not to touch area.’

With Winter’s photographic in hand, WADA tracked down at a Woking car yard. ‘He was to eat a Toyota Crown sedan as a agent,’ said WADA David Howman. ‘Bolt the game was up and submitted to our tests. He he was initially attracted to the Morris tail fins, but once he had these he continued on even to the of eating the deluxe extras, radio and twin sun visors.’

Bolt released a press apologising to his many fans who disappointed he hadn’t eaten more flashy, such as a F40. But as a Morris Oxford is not a performance-enhancing vehicle, Bolt out he has done nothing illegal.

‘I’ll still be at the London the shamed athlete said in a statement. ‘And my last race will be the Cambridge-Oxford Club summer rally Woking to Brighton.’

Toyota Crown sedan VI
Toyota Crown sedan VI


Toyota Crown sedan VI
Toyota Crown sedan VI
Toyota Crown sedan VI

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