Commandments Concerning Motor Vehicles | Stuff Fundies Like

13 Фев 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »
Toyota Crown sedan XIII

Commandments Concerning Motor

And when it shall come to that the Lord shall the and thy household and thy ministry with a carriage (such as was prophesied by the Revelator if you know how to look) shalt thou observe to all the commandments which I give this day. So shalt cruise about the land in the of that great American Ford and so shalt thy flat and engine failures, and traffic be no more than the usual

And thou shalt in no wise a man and a woman who are not married nor related distantly than first alone in a car together. For in the beginning God them male and female and gave them strict that they should not be alone in a car together unless are married, chaperoned, or one of them is the and he’s taking her across lines to do some “counseling.” For it is written: “Lust cometh not the heart but verily it ascendeth up car floor mats and doth even the most reasonable into a lascivious chump. goes double for pastors.”

To this end also, thy car’s radio shall be tuned to such music as is meet for the of thy soul, namely the station plays only songs, spiritual songs, and sometimes a Southern Gospel which too bad as long as the drums aren’t too in it. But if there shall be no old-time radio station in your thou mayest on occasion to NPR but only Performance Today and like shows with music. But of the news programs and segments thou mayest not lest the liberalism of Terry and her ilk counfound thy soul.

On the rear of thy chariot thou affix all manner of bumper and magnetic signs to tell the that thou art a Republican, and a owner, and likely to leave the car in case of Rapture. Verily they know that you are a when you cut them off in traffic. But of the and recklessness of thy driving that is a of individual soul liberty. do not try handing the deputy sheriff a tract with your and registration when he stops you for because after the way thy church the department after those men got for street preaching you won’t be yourself any favors.

And as to which exact car you should we have no commandment save thou consult with thy who is a wise man and full of advice and give you good counsel you buy only large vans to all the children thou shalt once you get right with God and using birth control. But of the car, and of the luxury sedan, and of the fun coupe you know those make a swell present for the on his birthday.

Independent Baptist Book of Rules and Requirements, p 255

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